A bookkeeper who runs her own small practice pitches for a contract with a fast-growing logistics company. The meeting goes beautifully. She’s friendly, listens closely and clearly cares about getting things right for them. The managing director tells her afterwards how much he enjoyed meeting her.
A week later, the contract goes to a larger firm. When she asks for feedback, the answer is polite but telling: “We really liked you. We just weren’t sure you could handle our volume as we grow.”
She had won on warmth and lost on competence. It’s a pattern psychologists have studied for decades in how people judge each other, and research shows customers apply the same two judgements to businesses. Understanding them can help a small business avoid being liked but not chosen.
One Like insight: Customers want to know two things about you: do you mean well, and can you deliver?
Two questions we ask about everyone
Social psychologists have long found that people judge others along two broad dimensions. Warmth asks whether someone has good intentions towards us: are they friendly, trustworthy, on our side? Competence asks whether they have the ability to act on those intentions: are they capable, skilled, effective?
In 2010, Jennifer Aaker of Stanford, Kathleen Vohs of the University of Minnesota and Cassie Mogilner of Wharton tested whether people judge organisations the same way. In three experiments published in the Journal of Consumer Research, they found that consumers saw non-profit organisations as warmer than for-profit companies, but as less competent. Crucially, people were less willing to buy a product from a non-profit because of their perception that the firm lacks competence. When the non-profit’s competence was boosted with a subtle cue of credibility, such as an endorsement from a respected newspaper, the gap disappeared.
The most valuable position was being seen as both warm and competent. Brands that achieved both inspired admiration, which in turn increased people’s desire to buy. Researchers including Nicolas Kervyn, Susan Fiske and Chris Malone have since developed the idea into a broader framework for brands, describing how judgements of intentions and ability shape customers’ feelings and loyalty.
The original studies compared non-profits and for-profits, not small and large businesses. But many small businesses may face a similar challenge: being seen as personable and caring, yet less obviously equipped to deliver at scale. That’s an interpretation rather than a tested finding, but it matches the bookkeeper’s experience closely.
Showing you can deliver
The research suggests that competence is often what tips the decision to buy, while warmth builds admiration and loyalty over time. For a small business that already comes across as warm, the opportunity is to make competence just as visible, without losing the personal touch.
Some practical signals of competence:
- Evidence of results. Specific case studies, before-and-after examples and numbers: “We reduced month-end closing from ten days to four for a 40-person distributor.”
- Credible endorsements. Recognised qualifications, professional memberships, awards, recognisable clients and genuine reviews.
- Clear process. Explaining how you work, step by step, reassures customers that you have a reliable method rather than relying on goodwill.
- Capacity and continuity. Showing how you would handle growth, holidays or illness, through systems, partners or a small team, answers the unspoken question larger clients often have.
- Professional presentation. Prompt, well-organised proposals and communication signal capability before any work begins.
The opposite risk applies too. Businesses that lead only with expertise can come across as cold. As we explored in The Second Mint, small, genuine gestures help show good intentions.
[Infographic placement] The warmth–competence map. A 2×2 grid. Horizontal axis: Competence (low → high). Vertical axis: Warmth (low → high). Top-left: Liked but not chosen (“lovely, but can they cope?”). Bottom-right: Respected but not loved (“capable, but do they care?”). Top-right, highlighted: Admired (“they get it and they can do it”). Bottom-left: Avoided. Caption: Aaker, Vohs and Mogilner (2010): being seen as both warm and competent inspired admiration and a greater desire to buy.
Finding your balance
Ask a few customers, and perhaps a few people who chose not to work with you, to describe your business in three words. Sort the words into two piles: warmth (friendly, caring, honest, helpful) and competence (skilled, reliable, efficient, expert). If one pile is much bigger than the other, you know which side of your brand needs more visible evidence.
Then look at the places customers first encounter you: your website’s home page, your proposals, your social media, the first phone call. Does each show both that you care and that you can deliver? A warm welcome followed by a clear case study, or a confident process explained in friendly language, can carry both messages at once.
A few questions can help:
- Which three words do customers use most often to describe us?
- Where do we show evidence of results, not just friendliness?
- How would a larger client know we can handle growth or a busy season?
- If we lead with expertise, where do we also show that we care?
Which brings us back to the bookkeeper who was liked but not chosen. Her warmth was a genuine asset. Adding a short case study of a growing client she had supported, a clear explanation of the systems she uses, and a note about the trusted partner who covers her workload when needed might have answered the managing director’s real question before he even asked it.
Sources
- Jennifer Aaker, Kathleen D. Vohs and Cassie Mogilner, “Nonprofits Are Seen as Warm and For-Profits as Competent: Firm Stereotypes Matter”, Journal of Consumer Research 37(2), 2010.
- Nicolas Kervyn, Susan T. Fiske and Chris Malone, “Brands as intentional agents framework: How perceived intentions and ability can map brand perception”, Journal of Consumer Psychology 22(2), 2012.
